No Utardish Allowed

So, while I live in Utah, I am most certainly not a Utard. I am from Texas. I say fork, and creek. I am capable of driving the correct speed, and can pass flashing lights without slowing to look. I am aware of my surroundings, and do not contemplate the next life while driving in this one. Utardish drivers suck, hands down.

Sometimes I swear. Damn. I go to church most Sundays, but not all. I don’t pretend to be perfect, because I’m not. My life does not revolve around the opinions of others. Neither does my self worth.

It’s better not to live it than to pretend to live it. Hyposcrisy sucks.

Too many members of the Mormon church have failed to learn the lessons of Christ’s day and age. The Saducees and the Pharisees behaved exactly the same way. They were more concerned about the appearance of being righteous than actually being righteous. Power and appearance were where their hearts were. They knew very well who Christ was, and yet the changes he proposed would have, in their minds, robbed them of the power and image they had so carefully hoarded. We all know how that ended…

The point is, while I love my religion, I do not like Utah. Too many people “posing for the camera”. Living my life right, saving my own soul, is a full-time job. When I get that one down, then I’ll worry about everyone else. Remember the motes and the beams folks.

But seriously, the one thing that MUST change, the thing I detest most…the driving. I love to drive, but I HATE stupid drivers. 9 out of 10 Utah drivers are completely oblivious to the speed limit, have no idea what turn signals are, and think merging and slowly drifting from lane to lane are the same thing.

My time is precious. Please don’t waste my time. If you are too old or too stupid to drive, just don’t do it. More people die from cars than guns, and we actually regulate guns. Any moron can get a car.

I refuse to learn, drive or be Utardish.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

2 thoughts on “No Utardish Allowed”

  1. Hahahaha do you know how much I love you?!?! AHahaahahah This blog is SO you!! I could hear your voice while I read it! I LOVE LOVE LOVE you my dearest brother! I regret that I don’t see you enough…

  2. Re. driving in Utah: Have you noticed the region differences? True Utahrds live north of, say, Nephi. A large portion of those raised in northern portions of the state don’t seem to know — or care to know — the finer points of driving: signaling of any kind, whether that be lane changes or turning a corner; understanding that when it says “No vehicles with trailers in left two lanes” THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR BOAT; driving at appropriate speed, which includes “merging” onto the freeway at speeds I can achieve unassisted on my mountain-bike; assuming that a hand-wave and smile will soothe any feelings of anger generated when they put my life in peril when pulling out in front of me; and the shocked — and indignant — look that I would have the gall to lean on my horn as strenuously as I do the brake pedal to avoid getting to know them and their insurance company any better.

    Now if you drive around south of Nephi, my experience generally is that while they may drive a little slow, they understand that you stay in the right lane until you need to pass, pass, then move back to the right. Admittedly I haven’t spent much time in the southern “metro” areas, so folks in places like St. George may be (de-)learning from their northern brethern.

    Re. the hypocrisy: some areas are worse than others, and there can be very localized hot spots. I still chose to start my family here, even though I grew up here and agreed with much of what you said. (At one point in my life I was dead set against living in the state after graduating.)

    So if you see some guy grimacing, turning his head as though to keep glass shards out of his eyes, and hittin’ the horn for all it’s worth, that just might be me “turning the other cheek.” 🙂

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